


The Legend of Cowgirl Kelly

by Missy



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Adventure, Family Feels, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-20 01:44:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7385893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Belcher kids try to find the secret treasure of Cowgirl Kelly, while Bob just tries to beat Jimmy Pesto at the Wonder Wharf's Barbecue festival.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Legend of Cowgirl Kelly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SaraJaye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/gifts).



“Tina, bring me the axe!”

Tina Belcher raised an eyebrow as she followed the sound of her father’s voice. He was downstairs in the refrigerator, she thought. But one could never be too careful or too sure, could they? “Dad, is it you? Or did you die again? If you’re dead, can you tell Mister Cuddles I’m sorry I forgot to feed him?”

A long pause. “Tina, Sea Monkeys don’t have memories. Or regrets. Well, I don’t think they do…”

“That’s not true,” Tina said, grabbing the meat ax her father had left behind in the restaurant and carefully descending the basement steps. “Avery and Brown always tapped the glass hello when I came back from kindergarten every afternoon,” she insisted. Soon she was beside Bob, and handed the ax over to him.

“Oh my God.” Bob immediately took the weapon and sunk it into the side of beef he’d been patiently curing for half the spring. It slid neatly in two, and he picked up the smaller half and started carrying it upstairs. “Can you get the door?”

Tina managed to get up the basement steps before her father, allowing Bob to enter the restaurant’s kitchen with the rack of ribs. He started salting and peppering it while Tina locked the basement door. “This is going to end up being the best Southeastern Northern Barbecue that beach has ever seen.”

“Do you think you’ll beat Jimmy’s dad this year?” Tina asked. 

“I’m not going to just beat him, I’m going to humiliate him. I’m going to pants him and run his underwear up the flagpole in front of the post office.” Tina made a face. “A little too harsh?”

“Don’t worry about winning, dad. No matter what happens, you’re going to end up rich in spirit.”

“That’s not how that works, Tina.” He went back to salting his meat, and Tina started wondering –no, worrying – about what Gene and Louise were getting up to upstairs preparing for the festival.

 

***

 

“Gold! Gold as far as the eye can see! And we’re stuck sitting upstairs gluing rhinestones to paper cowboy hats!” Louise threw up her hands in total disgust at the utterly boring status of her life.

“But I’m having fun,” Tina protested.

“I’m pretending I’m Dolly Parton’s hat maker,” said Gene. Then he leaned close to Tina and whispered, “I need to finish this before twelve or Dolly’s going to have my butt in a sling!”

“FINE. Waste your time doing stupid boring baby stuff!” Louise threw her hat to the ground and kicked it for good measure. “I’m busting out to go digging!”

“But we’ve already been digging on that side of the pier!” Tina protested.

“This is a DIFFERENT spot, Tina! A spot a bunch of cool older kids told me about while they were smoking these weird-smelling cigarettes by the carousel earlier.”

“You were eavesdropping,” Tina said flatly.

“More like cashing in on a great idea!” said Louise. “You babies stay here, I’m going to go find Cowgirl Kelly’s treasure.”

“Wait,” Tina said. “Who’s Cowgirl Kelly?”

“Only the most badass cowgirl on the whole eastern seaboard! Oh, she started out as a normal, average, ordinary fish seller. But when the law took her land and sold her cows and made fun of her hat she went bad. Real bad. So bad that she stole forty thousand dollars in silver and buried it somewhere on the beach. It’s there for the taking, all we have to do is reach for it…”

“I still think this is a terrible idea and we should stay home,” said Tina.

“Is that why you followed me outside?”

Tina blinked. Indeed, they were standing outside the restaurant. “Darn your enchanting wordsmithery!”

“I’m here too!” Gene put in from over her shoulder.

Louise grinned. “Come on. We don’t have time to wait around if we’re going to get there before high tide.”

 

*** 

 

Bob proudly patted his rack of ribs as he laid them on the judge’s table. Ten hours of smoking had rendered them fork-tender, and the apples he’d fried as a topper actually looked delicious. He’d done it, for once. He’d actually managed not to screw things up and present a product that looked and smelled good.

“I think they like it,” he whispered to Linda. “After all this time I’ve finally reached an audience. And I'm going to beat Jimmy Pesto! But also the audience thing.”

The judges took a forkful each. They raised their eyebrows as they tasted the meat. He waited for the verdict with a knot of desperation in his stomach and…

“YOU KIDS COME BACK HERE WITH THAT CHEST!”

Of course.

Louise, Tina and Gene came tearing up the street, a small wooden chest held up over Gene’s head and they ran pell-mel for Bob. 

“Watch out for the ribs!” he begged. “STAY AWAY FROM THE RIBS!”

“PFT! You can buy twenty million cows for the amount of money we have here!” Louise said. 

“What’re you doing?” he asked. _Besides,_ he thought to himself, _freaking the judges out._

Louise reached for the lock holding the trunk shut, and Gene helped her open it– to reveal hundreds of shimmering pieces of silver lying in its wooden belly. “I told you!” she yelled. “I knew Cowgirl Kelly was real!”

“Louise,” Linda said calmly.

“But nooo! You guys didn’t believe me! WELL FEAST YOUR EYES! FEAST THEM!” she yelled. 

“LOUISE!” Bob and Linda chorused. 

“WHAT?!” Louise yelled back. 

“This isn’t silver.” He stuck his hand into the mound of coins and let them fall in a pile. “They’re foil-wrapped chocolate…”

“I said kneel…what?” 

“That’s what I was trying to tell you!” aaid the guy who had been chasing them. “I buried those for the kids to dig up during the scavenger hunt. Which, by the way, all three of you have been banned from.”

“Oh,” Louise puffed herself up, trying to stand tall as possible. “I knew that.”

“No, no you didn’t," said Bob.

“Mom, Dad, I know you think this is my fault, well…” began Louise.

“No fancy speeches, Anne Bonny-ears! All three of you march back up to your rooms. You’re grounded til the festival is over!” said Linda.

“But…” the kids protested.

“No butts!” Bob said. He watched Linda dig into the chocolate coins and sighed, lifting them out of Gene’s grip. He might as well enjoy himself while his dreams were steamrolled for the millionth time.

“Um…was that part of the presentation or something?” asked one of the judges.

 

***

 

Tina decided that the whole operation wasn’t a complete disaster. The chocolate lasted for months, and she didn’t have to worry about the poor construction of her hat drawing a chorus of boos down on her head.

She did wonder from time to time, though, if Cowgirl Kelly was still out there, burying her treasure in the sand and giving hope to kids everywhere for a brighter day.


End file.
